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Pain changes you. The more painful something is, the more it changes you.
I’ve been through a lot the last couple of months, and it has been nothing short of a complete downward spiral. It started with one, particularly painful event and then after that, it was something else, then something else, then something else. More and more and more painful events kept occurring in my life, and there were times I honestly didn’t think I would survive. If someone or something else didn’t end it all for me, I’d just end it all myself.

The one thing that kept me going and hanging on was all of the love and support I have received from those who have read and loved my book. I have to say that every day I am blown away either because I get a new review, someone actually seeks me out to tell me how much they enjoyed my book, or I get several new likes or follows on my different social media pages. It’s been a very interesting ride, and I’m starting to get really excited about where this is all headed.

During my times of struggle, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I couldn’t just “get over it.” I’ve always prided myself on being one to “get over” things pretty quickly, but this time, life was really beating me down from every angle. All I wanted to do was get back to the old me, the happy, confident me who enjoyed her alone time and her video games and her rather dull existence. I just wanted her back. Then I finally came to terms with the fact that she is not coming back. That old me is gone.

I’ve seen this meme, and I can’t remember the exact words of it, but it basically says that when a caterpillar cocoons, it doesn’t just magically and easily become a butterfly. The caterpillar actually breaks down. It becomes this slimy, nasty pile of goo. It becomes a complete mess. Then finally, it rebuilds itself and morphs into the beautiful butterfly. That’s what I’ve been doing.

I’ve been a complete goo of a mess for a couple of months and the only reason it’s taken so long to “get over it” is because I’ve been wanting to go back to being that caterpillar. I’ve wanted to stay on the ground where it’s safe, and no one sees me. I’ve wanted to remain that invisible little insect I’ve always been. I can’t do that anymore. It is no longer becoming possible for me to stay small. I know all of this sounds insanely cliche, but nothing else describes what I’m feeling right now. I know it’s time to say goodbye to the old me (the timid, little caterpillar me) and it’s time to start running toward the new me. The butterfly me. The me that is ready to fly.



  1. Bill says:

    Fly you beautiful butterfly.

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